Notes to Self on Self Preservation

1. Guys who act tough have fragile egos. Also secrets.

2. Hang around long enough and you’ll eventually evolve into The Man that you’re trying to stick it to.

3. Grief is like an accumulation of snow. Shovel it out of your immediate path, but it still sits piled high in the front yard, providing a chilling reminder of its presence.

4. During social events, take on the heavy lifting if the conversation sags. When gaps in dialogue are unavoidable, meet the eyes of other people indifferently. Hold, then release.

5. Negativity is emotional pollution. You can’t hang around places where it spews without inhaling its toxicity.

6. It’s okay to be on the wrong train as long as you stay on the right track.

7. As people walk past you, they instinctually move as far away as possible. They think you’re a threat. We all believe the other person is the threat.

8. Bigotry is society’s eternal boomerang, destined to return no matter how often we toss it away.

9. Do not confuse thirst with the desire to fill oneself and not remain empty. Especially at bars.

10. If you cannot be honest, become a mystery.

11. Asking for directions from those who have never been where you’re going is a surefire strategy to get lost.

12. Every party has a pooper. Make them pick up their shit and leave.